Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
