my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
