we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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