dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it because I queefed?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
