Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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