so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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