I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
