Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
