Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
