I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think I sprained my soul last night
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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