You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
