Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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