it's like her boobs came off with her bra
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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