I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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