i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There are leaves in my underwear?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
