I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
did you just send me my own nude
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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