My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
