he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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