So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
