Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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