she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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