when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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