You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.