great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?