I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
