I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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