So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
