If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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