Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
