I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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