I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
