the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
