Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
