GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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