There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
