This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
