He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize