she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
