Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
