but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
