Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
