those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
