We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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