Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
well you can't waste a boner
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
