I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
