i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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