Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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