I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it's not cheating when I paid for it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
