true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
