4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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