Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
