i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
