Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
