john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
