My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
false alarm. still invincible.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
