i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
