there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize