Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
