paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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