in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
either way he was missing a nipple.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
