You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
