I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
