please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
