It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
