He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
