i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
