You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have aggressive nipples.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
