May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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