i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
